Lower the Elf Bar

I love this time of year for many reasons, but ye old Elf on ye old Shelf is not one of them. Not even a little bit. Now before you go all Elf crazy on me, hear me out. Inherently, there's nothing wrong with the sweet (albeit creepy-looking) Elf. Ours is creatively named Tom, and he perches high in the Christmas tree, on the chandelier, and on the tippy top of shelves and ledges throughout our house to spy on our girls and make sure they aren't killing each other. We don't touch him, because he'll lose his magic, and at night time, when we're all tucked away in our beds dreaming of benchmark tests and Pinterest crafts, he flies back at lightning speed to the North Pole to report the day's events to Santa. Sometimes he runs into the Tooth Fairy in the night, and we wonder if they'll fall in love, get married, and have Fairy-Elf babies. Sounds pretty normal, right?

Well, it used to be normal. When the very first Elf on the Shelf was delivered to a friend's home, I thought, "what a super cute and creative and not-exhausting tradition for our family." And then it happened. All the crazy people of the Earth started all their crazy-people Elf stuff. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? We had a great thing going. Low stress. No pressure. Sometimes Tom even stayed in the same spot because he was very tired from all the flying and and hanging out with the Tooth Fairy, and no one even cared. They didn't care. At all. But now. Now. Arrrrgghhhh! All you over-achievers feel the need to raise the proverbial (and sometimes literal) Elf bar and make the rest of us look bad just because we simply choose to put the Elf on the shelf. Stop with the ridiculous Elf shenanigans. Please. Stop.

Let me give you some background here. The Elf was created to model good behavior. I promise. I'm sure of it. Not that I've talked to the creator or even know his/her name, but I can assure you this was the Elf Creator's original intention. Elf was not created to wreak havoc in your home all season long. You've got enough havoc without help from him. For real. He's not supposed to stress you out or keep you up at night. He's not supposed to light a fire in your competitive spirit to come up with a bigger and better shenanigan than Susie's Mom, Super Elf Mom of the Earth. He's for sure not supposed to:

• poop peppermints
• make angel wings in flour
• steal from your child's piggy bank
• draw mustaches on your prized family photo
• wrap your Christmas tree in toilet paper

(I know some of you just wrote all those ideas down. Stop it!) Don't you see? If your Edward the Evil Elf is naughty, then what can you expect from your children? Think about it. Like it or not, the Elf on the Shelf is their role model. He is. Just because Super Mom up the street does something over the top every. single. day with Jacques le Elf (and posts every. single. picture. on Facebook. Please stop, Super Mom.) doesn't mean you have to raise the Elf bar in your home. Be strong. Don't do it. For the love of all that is good and holy this season. Literally. For the love of all that is GOOD and HOLY.

And if you seriously can't stop yourself from the madness and you just can't bring yourself to just put the sweet Elf on the shelf, take these ideas and run. Ideas that provide you an opportunity to raise the bar while still modeling kind and appropriate Elf behavior:

• Nestle Elf in with Mary and Jesus in your nativity scene.
• Have Elf spell out "I love you" with Skittles. (credit: ABS)
• Perch Elf on a new wrapped toy (scatter some scissors and tape and paper scraps nearby) with a tag that says, " To our family Salvation Army Christmas angel" (or Toys for Tots, or whichever organization your family is supporting.)
• Tuck an envelope containing $5 (one labeled for each child) in Elf's arms with a note that says, "Pay it forward." Talk to your kids about how they could use the money to bless someone else that day.
• Pose Elf next to the book Wonder by R.J. Palacio with a post-it note that reads, "choose kind." (Please say you already own this book. If not, go buy it today. Ah-mazing. http://imaginationsoup.net/2013/12/a-novel-for-the-whole-family-wonder/)
• Sit Elf on the ground with his Barbie friends (or army men or Pez dispenser friends) and prop a book in his hands as if he's reading to them. You could even display them on a shelf if you want to get all crazy up in there.
• Pose Elf with glow bracelets all over him and attach a sign that reads, "Be a light into the world."

Here's the deal. This should be a fun, EASY, and positive experience. If you need an Elf Calendar app to organize your plans, or an Elf Shenanigan Shopping List note pad, then just no. Or if you have to call for back-up every time you move the guy, then please stop. Lower the Bar. It's not that important. I promise. And here's the real deal. If you really want to raise the bar this season, raise the bar on kindness. Model it for your kids and live it as a family:

• Don't cuss people out in traffic.
• Don't get in the Express lane with 25 items.
• Don't cut in line or get agitated when the line is long.
• Bring your spouse coffee in bed.
• Let your kids drop coins in a red kettle.
• Help an elderly person put up decorations.
• Show grace to someone who doesn't deserve it.
• Forgive someone.

Whatever you do this season - Elf or no Elf - remind yourself that less is more. Don't overdo anything. Not Elf Shenanigans. Not decorating. Not baking. Not Christmas card posing. Not purchasing. Not anything. Lower the bar on the expectations you have for yourself and raise the bar on the time you spend with family and friends. Trust me, the Elf will go back in his box on December 25th, and you won't think about him again until next year. Well, that is unless the Birthday Elf takes off. Then, well... Lord help us all.